I Fell & Really Couldn't Get Up

After the Injury

Yep, I injured myself last Thursday evening. Went for a walk/jog at the park and as I was jogging up a hill, I heard and felt a pop (imagine a pencil snapping in half) in my calf muscle. I instantly fell face down on the ground in excruciating pain. When this happened, I was about a half mile from my car, I didn't have my cell phone and there were very little people in the park. I gathered enough strength to crawl to the top of the hill and finally onto my feet and had to limp all the way back to my car. By the time I got there, the muscle in my calf was swollen and sore to the touch. I drove myself home and had my BFF come and take me to the urgent care facility. The doctor told me that there was a 99% chance that I had torn the calf muscle and needed to have intense physical therapy: she strongly urged me to get to an orthopedic doctor as soon as possible. Friday morning I was blessed to get an appointment for that same day. The orthopedic doctor confirmed that I had actually tore the muscle in my calf away from the tendon and basically there was no way to repair it...it would have to heal on its own. I was so relieved to hear this because the ER doctor had me thinking I was gonna be cripple! To make an even longer story short: doctor told me no more walk/jogging for at least 6 weeks, however I could use the elliptical and the stationary bike. I was relieved to hear that because I just knew exercise was gonna be out of the question for a long time. 

Today is my first day back at work...I have been taking a lot of strong pain meds over the last few days so coming to work was totally out of the question. I'm limping and if I shift my weight the wrong way, the shit HURTS LIKE HELL....so I am very careful and taking it very slow. Y'all pray for me. 

Cubical Drones Interrupted

I have an office job, which means that I'm sitting on my butt for at least 8hrs per day.I read somewhere that sitting on your butt for prolonged periods of time increases your chance of weight gain--not to mention butt spread and lord knows I don't need any more butt!  I need to "move around" as much as I can and if I didn't have a day job, I would probably spend more time exercising. Since that is not the case I have figured out a way to get about 45 mins of exercise into my work day. Take note fellow cubicle drones:

First, I set the timer of on my cell phone to beep every hour. Upon this beep, I get up from my desk and begin my custom made workplace workout.

• Stairs: My office has two massive sets of stairs in the warehouse area...there are 20 steps on each. I climb each set of stairs at least once and if I'm up for it, I do a total of 4 climbs.
• Squats: I do squats in our private bathroom. 2 sets of 10
• Counter Push ups: Using the counter in our private bathroom I do 2-3 sets of 10 modified push ups. Click here for example.
• Wall Thrusts: Again, using the wall in our private bathroom. I lean myself against the wall and step back about 2-3 feet and lift my knees. I easily do about 70 of these. Clueless? Click here
• Lunchtime Walk: I walk the mall, the local Target or whatever store I happen to find myself in during lunch time. 

There you have it: "Changing My Weighs Working Workout" 

It takes about 3-5 mins to get through this routine...which is about how long it takes to get up for a potty break. Each hour I rotate what exercises I will do, just to keep it interesting. As I continue to do this, I will probably add more workplace friendly exercises. 

Side-Note: I wear my heart rate monitor when I do this routine so I can see my calories burned. My calorie burn ranges from 150-170 total calories. Very nice in my book!

Anyone else do stuff like this, or am I the only odd duck out there? LOL!

The Voice in my Head

One thing I have noticed about myself since I have been on this quest is that I tend to not push myself like I should when it comes to working out…cardio specifically. I can do weight training all day because I LOVE IT, but when it comes to something that pushes me beyond my comfort zone, I seem to give in faster than I would under normal circumstances.

Let’s talk about exercise: It’s been a little over a month since I started my exercise routine. I started my cardio routines at 10-15 minutes and as soon as I started to feel the burn in my muscles, my mind would tell me to stop. I spent most of the time looking at the timer on the machine to see how much longer I had to go…9 times out of 10, I never completed the full session. I am now up to 30 mins of cardio and although I have forced myself not to quit before my time is up, I constantly battle with that little voice in my head that nudges me to hit the stop button.

Let’s talk about life: Looking back, I can see how this voice in my head has played a major role in the way I progressed. I have been through many hard things in life and was able to endure; but there have been many other things that were challenging in my life that I gave up too easily on. As soon as I met resistance, I would slow down or stop completely.

As I have gotten older, I have gone back and saw to completion many of the things that I gave up on in the past. At this point, all I am left to tackle and conquer is my weight. I don’t know why this voice encourages me to stop and give up, but at times it does. Since I’ve started this quest 30 days ago, the voice seems to have gotten louder. I am learning to recognize the voice and more importantly to push past it. There are times when I am huffing and puffing on the elliptical and I’m on the last 5 minutes of my workout that I have to talk myself out of hitting that stop button. I haven’t deduced what gives the voice life, but I think it’s a combination of insecurity, fear and a little bit of uncertainty all blended together. My goal is to silence this loud voice in my head and ultimately find the small still voice that is buried somewhere in my head that will encourage me to push myself and go for the gusto!

Why the Weight?

Do you know why you are fat? I know why I am fat...

I have been overweight my entire adult life and honestly, the weight has became a part of who I am. I have lived with it and I have organized myself so that I fit into the fat and the fat fits into my life. Now let's get this clear: I am not one of those bleeding heart fat gals who has some sob story as to why they gained weight. I didn't eat because I was depressed. I didn't eat because I had some catastrophe happen in my life. I ate because I simply like to eat.

Food is magic to me! It tastes good and there are so many things that can be done with something as simple as cheese that makes sparks fly when I think about it. I am not a major junk food eater: save a few bags of Doritos, white cheddar popcorn and a few Mountain Dew's. I am a female carnivore...beef is my best friend. Fried chicken and I have had a long time love affair going on. Potatoes: in all variations make me smile. Simply put...I LOVE TO EAT FOOD!

My love for eating got way outta control and I ballooned up to 295 pounds. 295 pounds on a 5'5 female frame is insane, but because I carry my weight well (so I have been told) most people wouldn't guess that I weigh as much as I really do. This little tidbit is what I have clung to in order to justify my weight...and thats just sad. I have given my life over to eating. On shopping trips with friends for example, food must be a part of the excursion. At work, I have a lunch buddy (who is severely overweight) and almost everyday we find some type of calorie laden food to have for lunch. When I think about that now, it saddens me. No one should arrange their life around food...its too limiting and restrictive.

I will be 40 years old in 2 years and I don't want to carry this extra weight into the next stage of my life. My reinvention started with changing my eating habits from trashy eating to cleaner eating. In addition to the clean eating, reinvention further takes shape for me with a realistic exercise routine.

I'd be lying if I said I was not scared, so I wont say that. What I will say is that I am afraid of this reinvention, but at the same time there is some excitement. I have never doubted my ability to do anything, I have been guilty of being lazy and unmotivated, but the ability to accomplish this task remains.

I recognize that this will be a lifestyle change for me. I am not DIETING! I am changing the way I live and eat for the long haul.

Hey Weight!

So here is the deal: I have been overweight for a long time and frankly I just got used to being the fat girl. I can’t say that I have ever really tried to diet and lose weight because it was somewhat of a non-issue. I like food so I ate food. Then I got older and realized that I wasn’t really happy with my appearance. Shortly after that realization, my doctor told me I had high blood pressure due to being overweight. This is when the light bulb came on...and I started taking my weight loss seriously...all this happened in 2009.

So just like anything else that scares me, I jumped feet first into weight loss and exercise, only to burn out after the blood pressure meds I was taking regulated my bp and my body started to feel good again. I fell off my diet/weight loss plan and went back to my old ways. Gained a few more pounds and ballooned up to my highest weight of 295 pounds!

I was mortified when I read those numbers on the scale! I was 5 whole pounds from being a 35 year old 300 pound woman! Are you serious? Those numbers can’t be right! Hey weight: how did this happen? This was my wakeup call...this was when I made personal resolution to do something about myself. September 2010 is when I started reading everything and anything I could find about clean eating, lower sodium, processed foods, whole grains, etc.

In short, it took me about a full year to change my attitude about food and my eating habits. December 2010 is when I began actually putting what I had learned into practice. I quickly lose about 16 pounds, but due to some personal issues, I fell off the wagon again, didn’t gain everything back, thank God! As of May 30 2011 I have climbed back onto my life transformation wagon and my goal is to ride that thing till the wheels and this extra weight falls off.

It will be one hell of a journey to my transformation, but it's going to be worth it. I decided to start this blog in order to share my journey and transformation with others who may be going through something similar. Welcome to the chronicle of my whole body, whole life transformation.